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April 12, 2005

Stephen Harper, Conservative leader of the opposition, responded to today's announcement by the U.S. regarding the terrorist threat posed by migratory birds, by declaring that this is further indication that the Liberals are out to insult and annoy the United States. "The government should have dealt with this security threat long ago, as this problem has existed for thousands of years." He declared that "this constant anti-American attitude of the government has gone too far this time. This is an issue that he is prepare to fight an election on."

He went on to indicate that migratory birds have no innate right of passage through U.S.A. territory, that these birds will have to be dealt with firmly and fairly. Our friend and emperor Mr. Bush has every right to protect the United States and its citizens, whatever the cost.

When Harper forms the next government he will determine which of these birds is Canadian and which is Mexican, and insist that proper documentation is issued to, and carried by each bird.

"As it is clear that no self respecting American bird would leave the United States to journey to Canada or Mexico, it is safe to conclude that all these migratory birds are non-Americans.

The possibility of non- North American birds infiltrating the annual migrations is at the heart of this decision. The Homeland Security Department has also put its neighbours on notice that it is investigating the problems associated with fish, whales, and animals such as bears, deer, wolves, mice, rats, beaver, fox, and the odd skunk being able to cross into American territory without any security control. It intends to make a high level demand ( uh, request) to Canada and Mexico that they implement policies and security procedures to end this problem in the near future.

Harper has assured the Department that his new government will do everything in its power to earn its support.

Comments:
I suspect that Canada and Mexico will have to provide a floating oil rig at the half-way point, as a rest stop for the migrating birds. They obviously will have to travel farther in the future.
 
Canadian oil rig seem to have become a target for the U.S. military lately. The birds might be facing double jeopardy.
 
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